🧓 by Blake Zeff
With top prospect Jarred Kelenic on the verge of starting his Mariners career this week, many Mets fans are still having trouble accepting that the Amazin’s had the potential stud locked up for years but traded him away for a questionable return. We know some have moved on, but if you’re still tearing your hair out every time you read about the uber-prospect’s exploits, read on. This feature is for you.
With Kelenic having a chance to develop into a star, you probably don’t want to be enraged and traumatized every time you see headlines about him. With that in mind, we asked Patty Zeff, PsyD, a trauma psychologist (and Mets Fix spouse), for tips on how to cope with Kelenic’s potential rise to stardom without losing your mind. A transcript follows below:
You are a trauma psychologist. Can you please explain what that means?
I’m a licensed clinical psychologist who’s trained in using evidence based therapies for the treatment of PTSD. I started my career working in the VA hospital system where I treated veterans who were experiencing significant trauma following their service.
Obviously this doesn’t compare to serving in the military. However, for some Mets fans, Jarred Kelenic is a very sore subject. Is it normal or healthy to get mad every time we read about him playing well?
Mets fans are ruminating (i.e., having trouble letting go of the past). Maybe some of them feel this is productive, most are probably doing it without even realizing it. We’re not exactly talking Vietnam here, but the idea is that they feel wronged in some way and are having a hard time letting go of the injustice. They are stuck in the “trauma,” and ruminating may give a false sense of control. In reality, this rumination is actually making things much, much worse.
Are there any things you'd recommend we do to get over it? This guy could be showing up in the news every day for the next 15 years.
Absolutely. Mets fans should practice “radical acceptance,” a term that comes from Marsha Linehan’s Dialetical Behavior Therapy. The basic idea is to accept life as it is, warts (or bad trades) and all, rather than fighting to change things that can’t be changed. Stewing in the anger is like putting a layer of suffering on top of the Kelenic-induced pain. We can’t stop bad things from happening in life, but we can control how much suffering we endure from thinking about the bad stuff.
For a Mets fan, what does “radical acceptance” mean, practically? What can we specifically do when we see him hitting home runs and we want to scream?
It’s ok to acknowledge that the situation sucks. But make the choice not to dwell. Distract yourself (put on some music, make a cup of coffee, peruse Mets Fix). Hopefully the sting lessens over time. The more you practice this, the easier it will become because you will see that it works!
One reader told us the way he copes is: "Honestly, the way I am coping is to just fuel my anger and hatred for Brodie van Wagenen and the Wilpons. I’m almost rooting for Kelenic to be Willie Mays just to solidify Brodie and Jeff’s place in Mets history." Is this a healthy way to cope?
Anger can be a big motivator, and that's not always a bad thing. As long as the reader isn't spending most of his time making Wilpon voodoo dolls or throwing darts at a picture of Brodie, this could be a good way to cope.
In your professional opinion (and as the spouse of a Mets fanatic): Do you think we are crazy?
Look, do I think Red Sox fans gained anything from being pissed at Bill Buckner for 20 years? Probably not. But I’m not about to walk into Fenway and say that to anyone. Sports fans aren’t always rational, but that doesn’t make them crazy.
Except maybe you.
Coping with Kelenic: A psychologist’s tips for traumatized Mets fans
The advice seems rather impotent to me, is one of rationalization and distraction and ignores the core issue, which for many isn't injustice but the pain of not having this homegrown, 5-tool stud with a 6th tool mental makeup playing his heart out for the Mets as fans revel in the joy and excitement he brings. Possibly the most talented homegrown position player in Mets history.
Someday Kelenic might indeed be back in the orange and blue, signed as free agent. But for the next 6 or 7 years, perhaps less per new CBA, Mets fans will have to wait long time.